Info for Farmers
Dear Friend of 826,
Have you been staying up late nights, wondering, “How can I help more kids? How can I update my look? How can I keep my upper lip warm and conceal that weird mole under my nose?” Well, wonder no more. 826 has the answer. We’re hosting our first ever Mustache-a-thon, and we’re thrilled that you, a pioneer of follicle-farming, are keen to participate.
Here’s how it’ll work: you’ll stop shaving for six weeks. Each week, we’ll gather at a Mission bar to ply you with free beer and take pictures of your progress. We’ll post your picture on a website with a Paypal link where folks can sponsor your mustache’s growth. We’ll also provide all the materials you’ll need to ask friends and family to sponsor you too.
The growing will take place from April 23rd – June 1st. That way, you’ll have time to shave the thing off before you have to go to your sister’s graduation. Or don’t! How handsome you’ll look!
Are you in? Of course you are. You won’t have to shave for six whole weeks. You’ll save thousands on shaving cream and razors (approximately). And, if you’re like us, this provides the excuse to grow the mustache you’ve longed for lo these many years. You’ll get to join the proud brotherhood that includes Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds, as well as Marcel Proust and John Steinbeck. And you’ll raise tons of money for a great cause doing it.
Answers to your Mustache-a-thon FAQs are below. For more information, or to sign up, simply email us. It’s going to be the most fun ever, and we sure hope you’ll join in.
1. How, exactly, does my not shaving raise money?
It’s simple: friends, family, and curious strangers sponsor you to let your mustache grow in for six weeks. We’re setting the bar at (a minimum of!) $500 per stache. This will be a piece of cake. Surely, you know 20 people who’d pay $25 each to see you with a mighty ’70s-style mustache. To make the fundraising easier, we’ll be posting your picture on a weblog with a Paypal link.
2. Will I be ridiculed?
No. You will be a hero. The funds raised by your participation in the 826 Mustache-a-thon will benefit thousands of Bay Area students, so wear that ’stache with pride. We’ll provide you with “Ask me about my mustache” informational cards and buttons you can pass out to scoffers, potential donors and curious lookylous.
3. I want to participate, but I’m not sure my facial hair is up to the challenge. It comes in all patchy. I look like the bassist in a really bad high school band. Am I wrong to be embarrassed by this?
Yes. You’re very wrong. The natural mustache is beautiful, however it chooses to come in. And besides, patchy mustaches are very attractive. Trust us. High school band bassists have to fight the girls off, and you will too.
4. What will the money that I raise be used for?
Well - a bunch of stuff. The main thing is to help us continue with our free programming for students here in the Mission. Precisely how we can do that is listed on the "What $500 can do" post!
5. Sure thing! I'm in! What do I need to do now?
Email us! mustaches@826valencia.com . We'll get back to you shortly. And in the meantime, start massaging your upper lip and start taking your Vitamin E supplements...
Mustache-growing will take place from April 23rd till June 1st. Entrants will start with a clean shave and their progress will be documented in weekly photo sessions. The competition will conclude with a pageant and the giving of prizes. After June 1st entrants are free to do what they wish with their facial hair, but are strongly discouraged from selling the clippings on eBay, unless for charity; or for giving the clippings to unrequited loves.
2. Proxies
All mustache growers must grow their own mustaches. Proxies and surrogates are strictly prohibited.
3. Performance-Enhancing Drugs
The application of Rogaine, Miracle-Gro, or fancy imported placenta creams is prohibited. Hoof n’ mane creams are permitted but frowned upon. Vitamins, however, are encouraged, as good nutrition is just common sense.
4. Extensions
Mustache farmers may not supplement their facial hair with extensions (human-hair or artificial) or theatrical makeup of any kind.
5. Other Facial Hair Formations
Mustache farmers are to grow mustaches only. Those interested in growing beards, goatees, soul patches or mutton chops should enter Beard-a-thons, Goatee-a-thons, Soul-patch-a-thons or Mutton-chop-a-thons, respectively. Some stubble is acceptable. Eyebrows are exempt from all Mustache-a-thon rules.
6. Styling Products
The use of waxes, mustache mousses, and gels is permitted. Dyes are not encouraged but are not grounds for disqualification; however, we warn you that the use of “Sun-In” can rarely be justified.
7. Artistry
All mustache formations—including handlebar, Fu Manchu, wispy teenage peach fuzz, and the feminine “Lady ’Stache”—are permitted, though some styles are certainly more favored than others. Entrants are advised that they will be judged.
8. Ornamentation
Do not braid your mustache hair. While not grounds for disqualification, it is certainly grounds for ridicule. Under no circumstances should you ornament your mustache with one of those hair wrap thingies with a shell hanging off it, even if not for aesthetic reasons, then for the potential physical side-effect of permanent stretch marks on your upper lip. Mustache jewelry is permitted, but will not earn you any extra points.
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